i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He? As in you personified your dick?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
