her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
