We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
