Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
