We won't sleep together?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
