remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
