I can't watch pbs sober anymore
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
