TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
