she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
