Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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