Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
