just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
