how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
