kristin has been a bad kristin
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
