So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
