theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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