and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
