dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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