We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
