before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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