Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
