It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
