R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
