Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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