dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
