You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just invented taco cereal.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
