I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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