No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
