This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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