Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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