I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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