Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
