Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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