I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
