you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
