After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
