I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
