I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
