who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
