PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
