Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
