I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
