i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
