I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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