my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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