So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
