dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
