based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
