I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
