No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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