and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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