My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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