Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
